Imperfection is defined as a fault, a blemish, or undesirable feature. In this day and age, when I watch TV, look at a magazine, or look at any social media outlet I am always left wondering, where are the imperfections? Perfect makeup, perfect skin, perfect bodies, perfect eyebrows, so much damn perfection! Although I do admit, I wanted to be perfect in every way before my cancer journey, but the reality is once you go through it, it strips you bare and imperfection replaces perfection.
Once I was in the trenches of cancer treatments, my physical appearance changed dramatically. My perfect self flew out the door and my imperfections became apparent. My healthy skin became white and pastey. My unmarked body became riddled with scars from surgery and needles. My lupectomy left me with an uneven chest. I lost all my hair and to top it all off I gained 30lbs! I post these pictures to define my perfect and imperfect self. The chemo picture is very daring for me to post and share. You never want anyone to see you at your worst, right? Truth is, I love that photo more than the perfect one. It is my reality check for when I start to take things for granted. I look at my imperfect self and remember that those imperfections are what truly made me beautiful and strong. The little stubbles of hair on my bald head made me smile, because I knew that there was still life in my hair follicoles. The half drawn eyebrow brings me back to a time where I had to put my face back on for work everyday. All these imperfections shape you to be who you are as a person, but why are we so scared to show them? Well, I’m not buying into perfection anymore and I’d rather embrace my imperfections. I should get surgery to fix my breast but I won’t, I wear it with pride. I should lose weight to try to be skinny like society wants me to be but I won’t, I will focus on being healthy and embracing my new curvacious body.
Learning to love your imperfect self is hard to master especially in this perfect world but when you do, beauty takes on a whole new meaning. Confidence in yourself is more beautiful than any physical feature. To me, imperfection is a beautiful word and I am a million times happier now because I understand that and love my little imperfections. They are a reminder of the battle I waged and won. I have imperfections and I am perfect as I am, we all are – own it!
Your beauty should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God’s sight – 1 Peter 3:4